May 15, 2008—Today we mourn great losses. We the People, in fact, mourn the greatest losses in the history of humanity.
Today we mourn the death of the United States of America. America died today at the age of 231, just fifty-one days short of her 232nd birthday. With America dies Democracy, Liberty, Individual Rights, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and Freedom as they all came to be known in the glorious years after America was born on July 4th, 1776. Although it is clear that America did not die of natural causes, no cause of death was released. Authorities also report that despite America’s death, upcoming elections will be held as scheduled and in the interest of those elections no autopsy would be conducted. Some scholars and historians have said, however, that no autopsy is needed. They indicated that America clearly died of the burden of national debt, the stress of trade imbalance coupled with the demise of manufacturing, the inequity of Class divisions, and most of all from the heartache of the loss of her dearly departed Middle Class. Adding to America’s ill-health and decline were the erosions of vital internal organs including limited executive power, healthy legislative functions, justice, checks and balances, transparency, compassion, and, of course, journalism, which through an independent democratic media made America’s heart continue beating strong and kept her mind sharp and focused throughout most of her life. Unfortunately for America, both heart and mind declined rapidly in recent decades.
Scholars and historians again say the blame for this lays squarely on the corporate take-over of America’s vital functions that in the end became so infected and spread so quickly that nothing could be done. In her final days America had been on life support, but that remained unknown to the public even as late as yesterday when a White House briefing proclaimed America healthy and as strong as an ox. And last night, taking a cue from the White House, Fox News did an in-depth report on the health and vitality of America in anticipation of her upcoming birthday. Fox News stands by their story today even as reports of America’s death are confirmed.
With her death America leaves behind the grieving mothers, widows and other loved ones of all the brave soldiers killed in all her noble wars since the declaration of our independence, through the disagreement of our house divided against itself and through the reuniting of our great Union. America also leaves behind those self-evident truths that are no longer self-evident or, apparently, true. Many people do not realize that all men were not created equal; all men were created equal some years after the United States of America was born and remained equal only for a few short years of her life. But as America aged and was finally placed in a nursing home, shortly after Ronald Reagan’s first inauguration, all men once again became unequal and America’s health started to decline. America’s finest hour was her fight against Fascism, once thought to be her greatest victory, which turned out to be, in the end, what finally consumed and killed her. America also leaves behind 299,700,000 tired, poor and huddled masses yearning to breathe free. She will be sorely missed.
No services are planned for America due to the ongoing presidential election campaigns but in a statement released by the White House it was reported that America will be interred in Halliburton Park, formerly known as Arlington National Cemetery, between Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart and the ashes of what are believed to be Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron.
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