The way we talk to ourselves and think about ourselves has a strong impact on how others perceive us. And while we all know that gaslighting is a manipulative behavior that we can experience from others, we can also be at risk of gaslighting ourselves. How to understand that you are gaslighting yourself?
ContentWhat is gaslighting? How to understand that you are gaslighting yourself? How to confront your inner gaslighter
WomanEL will share trauma expert and Dr. Lisa Turner's opinion on this matter, as well as her tips on how to turn off your internal gaslighting mode. But first…
What is gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation based on creating self-doubt. “I think of gaslighting as trying to associate someone with the label 'crazy,'” says Paige Sweet, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Michigan who studies gaslighting in relationships and the workplace. “It makes someone seem or feel unstable, irrational and untrustworthy. This makes him feel that what he sees or experiences is not real, that he is making it up, that no one else will believe him.”
Gaslighting involves a power imbalance between the abuser and the person they are gaslighting. Gaslighters often exploit stereotypes or vulnerabilities associated with gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality and/or class.
“The most distinctive feature of gaslighting is that it is not enough for the gaslighter to simply control his victim or make things go his way. in turn. What matters to him is that the victim actually agrees with him,” writes Andrew D. Spear, assistant professor of philosophy at Grand Valley State University in Allendale.
How do you know if you're gaslighting yourself?
“It's like an inner critic on steroids. A self-gaslighter constantly berates themselves, undermines themselves, and makes them question their own judgments, memories and perceptions,” explains Lisa Turner. Your inner gaslighter will convince you that the absolute worst outcome is not only possible, but inevitable, and that it's all your fault.
Negative self-talk doesn't just affect our self-confidence. Our internal gaslighting mode can also make us more vulnerable to people who gaslight. That is, having your own extremely vocal inner critic may make you more likely to believe the manipulative narratives coming from another gaslighter. Because if you already belittle or ignore your own problems or feelings, it will be even easier for the other person to do this to you.
“Whatever you're thinking internally, others will pick up on it and reflect how you feel about themselves,” says Dr. Turner. “If you feel bad about yourself, others will unconsciously sense it and use it against you.” Unfortunately, people who gaslight themselves often end up in toxic relationships or relationships with narcissists.
As Dr. Turner told Stylist, there are a few key signs that you may be gaslighting yourself. These include downplaying your strengths and abilities, an inability to accept compliments or praise, and constantly thinking that you are wrong, defective, or worthless.
It can also manifest itself as people-pleasing, being overly flexible, and constantly expecting the worst. possible outcome in the situation and emotional feeding (i.e. hypervigilance to the emotional states of others as a form of protection and absorption of their traumas as one's own).
How to confront your inner gaslighter
In her book CET Yourself Free, Dr. Turner explains that internalized gaslighting is often the result of trauma such as childhood neglect, manipulation, and self-doubt.
Feeling ready to take control of your negative self-talk ? The first thing you need to do is seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. With them, you should start working on increasing your self-awareness and emotional stability, practice self-compassion and forgiveness, especially towards yourself, and set boundaries with people who also gaslight you.
After this, it is important continue to seek resources on healthy communication and relationships. It can also be useful to keep a diary and record certain events in your life. When you (or other gaslighters) question what happened, you have a record that you can refer to and confirm that it really happened and that it was not your imagination.
Improve your self-confidence through affirmations. The following will help strengthen self-love.