Toxic behavior is characterized by criticism, control, manipulation and guilt. For example, if your friend constantly shames you for prioritizing spending time with your own family over her, you may be dealing with a toxic person. But toxicity still manifests itself in different ways. How do you know that your friend is definitely toxic?
ContentHow to tell if your friend is toxic: she relies on you for everything Boundaries are unclear or not respected How to know if your friend is toxic: she only talks about herself When confronted, you are told that you are overreacting that your friend is toxic: trust is broken and growth is limited Her apologies are never sincere What to do if your friend is toxic?
WomanEL shares the insights of psychologist Lauren Phillips on the signs of a toxic friendship and how to cope if you're in one.
How to tell if your friend is toxic: she relies on you for everything< /h2>
One person cannot be everything to someone. He can't always be available to his girlfriend. To have a healthier friendship, your friend must trust herself to stand on her own two feet. Of course, people can lean on each other for support… But it is important to understand that your friends have their own lives.
Boundaries are unclear or not respected
Friendships become toxic when each friend is not treated as an autonomous, separate person. Boundaries define what someone needs and how fused or separate they are from another. By setting boundaries appropriately, a person who is being hurt by a friend or doing something that hurts them communicates to the other person what they need to maintain the interaction. If this need is not met or ignored, the person who set the boundary can decide how to proceed. You can end the conversation at this point and come back to him later, walk away from the relationship, or consider whether he wants to continue the friendship.
How to tell if your friend is toxic: she only talks about herself
Have you just finished a 45-minute phone call with your best friend and realized that she hasn't asked you a single question about your life or how you're doing? It would be one thing if what she was talking about was vitally important. But if this happens almost every time you talk, your relationship is toxic.
When confronted, you are told that you are overreacting
Hello, gaslighting. In a nutshell, gaslighting is a communication technique in which someone forces you to question your own version of past events. Many toxic people use gaslighting to maintain some control over the people around them. Let's say you were upset that a friend canceled a summer barbecue that you really wanted to throw (after all, she promised she would be there). When you call her, she refuses and tells you that she doesn't understand why you're so upset. She says, “Are you making too much of this”? This is a sign of toxicity.
How to Know If Your Friend Is Toxic: Trust Is Broken and Growth Is Limited
Of course, friends may have conflicts from time to time. The work of resolving conflicts and their outcome are often more important than the conflict itself. If a friend makes the same mistake over and over again, they may have trouble understanding what the other person needs and may not be able to meet that need. This weakens trust in the relationship. Repeatedly broken trust without real growth creates a toxic friendship that leaves one or both friends feeling insecure and emotionally unsafe.
Her apology is never sincere
Have you ever expected someone to apologize and ended up apologizing to them yourself? Classic red flag. Let's say your friend ruined your brunch plans last Saturday. When you tell him about it, he goes into a long story about how he had a huge fight with the guy he was dating that morning and doesn't think he'll ever find his soulmate, and it's all his parents' fault. You feel sad and uneasy. You even forget that it was about your brunch. Changing tactics and making yourself the victim is a sign of a toxic friend.
What to do if your girlfriend is toxic?
- Don't stoop to their level. When she starts yelling at her mom from school, resist the urge to intervene. Instead, offer a neutral response and move on to a new topic. Once she realizes that you are not interested in joining in on her rants, she will likely start looking for somewhere else to take her negativity out.
- Focus on the good. Her constant whining about how she'll never find a husband makes her a rather annoying brunch date. But perhaps you share a mutual love of art and enjoy going to museums together. To maintain a friendship, accept the fact that it may simply need to evolve (or grow) into a different kind of friendship as you grow in different directions. Not every friendship has to be the best, and it's okay to adjust the terms of your relationship based on how it will benefit both of you.
- Recognize when a relationship is beyond repair. Especially if you've been friends since childhood, it can be difficult to accept that sometimes friendships have run their course and are no longer healthy. If you always felt like you were becoming a worse version of yourself because of this relationship, you might want to end the relationship altogether. Although it can be incredibly difficult to cut a loved one out of your life, there is no shame in it, especially if it seems like you've tried everything.
We mentioned gaslighting. But there are situations when we gaslight ourselves. This is dangerous for our psyche and not only.