We read about them, watched them on TV, and some of us were in them. Toxic relationships are addictive, destructive, and incredibly painful. The worst thing is that once we are in them, it may seem impossible for us to escape from them. But, even if you did this, how to live further? How to calm your soul after a breakup?
ContentHow to Soothe Your Soul After a Breakup: Realize You Deserve Healthy Love Admit that the Relationship Was ToxicHow to Soothe Your Soul After a Breakup: Remember Who You Are Take Practical Steps to Help You Cope How to Soothe Your Soul After a Breakup: Don't Expect an Apology or completion of the task Fill the void and surround yourself with positivity
Unfortunately, many people in toxic relationships suffer from low self-esteem and have a harder time of it than those who break up for other reasons (incompatibility, etc.). WomanEL wants to help you on this difficult journey and will share tips on how to heal yourself.
How to calm your soul after a breakup: realize that you deserve healthy love
Part of the challenge of leaving a toxic relationship is believing that we can change the impossible and turn dysfunctional “love” into a healthy relationship. If we don't believe we deserve a caring and considerate partner, we often attract partners who don't believe that either.
“Do you feel like you don’t deserve healthy love because of your weight, age, career, or any other way things look?” asks psychologist, relationship expert, and author Marianne Vicelich. “Start loving yourself—flaws and all. Surround yourself with friends and family who are in healthy and loving relationships. This will remind you that good love exists. You will be able to raise the bar in choosing your next partner.”
Being alone is much better than putting your dignity and self-respect at risk. Being single is a great time for self-improvement, career growth, or spending time with people who value you.
Admit that the relationship was toxic
It's tempting to look back on past relationships, toxic or not, with rose-colored glasses, missing the complex reasons why those relationships should have ended. But according to psychologist Bijal Ched-Varma, we can only truly cope with the loss of a relationship by fully accepting and understanding everything that was wrong with it.
Giving up any relationship, toxic or not, causes a grief reaction similar to loss. A person must go through the stages of accepting that the relationship is toxic and that leaving is the best option. A person has and must allow himself to experience emotions such as resentment, anger and sadness.
How to calm your soul after a breakup: remember who you are
You were a person and had a life before you found yourself in a toxic relationship. But it can often be difficult to remember who you were before toxicity began to erode your sense of self-worth. According to therapist Samantha Carbone, healing lies in remembering your values and realizing that you truly deserve a healthy relationship.
Often people in dysfunctional relationships begin to lose themselves, forget themselves, and their happiness often ceases be a priority. You need to cleanse yourself of the beliefs and values you have created together and remind yourself of the importance of yourself. Self-compassion is key to helping you survive the backlash of this type of relationship breakup.
Take practical steps to help you cope with the situation
When it comes to strong emotions, what you decide one day may fade into insignificance the next day. You can leave your partner and give him/her a second chance a few hours later. That's why therapist Ivan Franekov recommends taking practical steps to prevent your emotions from getting the better of you.
Write down how you feel every day so you have solid evidence of how your partner makes you feel. We often confuse feelings with facts. We tend to make excuses for loved ones (“he was so tired that day, maybe that’s why he drank too much and lashed out”)
“Does this person value you? Does he or she deserve you? Does he treat you the way you deserve? Making the final decision to leave is not easy. But you have to put yourself first and be honest with yourself.
How to soothe your soul after a breakup: Don't expect an apology or closure
One of the most painful things about leaving a toxic relationship is the lack of closure. Is the person who caused you so much pain really going to apologize and admit their wrongdoings? Vicelich doesn't think so.
We cannot control anyone but ourselves, no matter how much we might want to. We only have control over ourselves and our own desire for growth and change. No matter how much we want someone to change, know that they need to adjust their behavior and only they can decide to make any changes in their lives.
We need to know that we do not deserve to be treated poorly and that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to move on and truly know in our hearts that we deserve better.
Fill the void and surround yourself with positivity
It sounds like a cliché, but surrounding yourself with positivity can have a pervasive effect on your outlook. Moving forward, it is important to fill your life with soul-enriching activities and alternative sources of happiness. Focus on the things that make you happy – family, friends, work and hobbies.
Self-love and self-care are a priority during this time of healing. Surround yourself with people who will bring brightness and positivity into your life. People who support, care and encourage what is best for you. Stay with people you can trust.
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