Maybe you're in a new relationship and ready to take it to the next level? How can you make sure your first sex with a new partner goes smoothly: without awkwardness or stress? Fortunately, there's no “right way” to have sex, says psychotherapist Steph Flood. “It's all about tapping into each other's energy and creating a safe, open space for each other's vibrations,” she says.
ContentFirst sex with a new partner: take your timeRethink your stressFirst sex with a new partner: be open and honestStay in the momentFirst sex with a new partner: don't compare to past experiencesDiscuss your experience
Although it sounds simple in words, WomanEL understands that in practice girls have a lot of doubts, self-doubt, etc. That's why we've put together some tips that will ease your tension:
First sex with a new partner: take your time
Don't overthink it. It's important to let things unfold naturally and move forward only when you feel comfortable. If it happens after the second date – great! If after the second month – great! Even if you decided you were ready and then changed your mind, there is nothing like that.
Rethink Your Stress
Feeling nervous might seem like a warning sign that something isn’t going to go well. But it’s not. Don’t let it scare you. “Nerves are just your body’s way of telling you that this moment is important to you,” Flood insists. She recommends “pumping yourself up with some pre-date tunes or positive self-talk” if you think this might be the night. This will help you tap into your sexual energy and be a major confidence booster.
If it comes as a surprise, remind yourself that he’s probably just as nervous as you are. Sex is a vulnerable experience for both parties. If you’re not going to judge him, don’t be so nervous about him judging you.
We’ve previously shared tips for avoiding conflict with your partner during the holidays.
First sex with a new partner: be open and honest
Everyone has their own preferences. And knowing them in advance can make the experience more positive for both of you. Flood recommends talking about consent, boundaries, comfort levels, and what you both enjoy before sex. This conversation doesn't have to be formal and awkward—be open, relaxed, and honest. “It's okay to ask them not to touch your butt or anything else you might not be ready for,” says Flood.
When it comes to more spontaneous encounters, there may not be time for a preliminary conversation. In this case, be especially communicative in the “moment”.
The most important thing to remember? If you are uncomfortable communicating your boundaries with him, you should not have sex with him. For such an intimate and vulnerable act, comfort is paramount.
Stay in the moment
Sex can be funny, awkward, and downright weird, and that's okay. “Laugh about it if you have to,” says Flood. Often, overthinking can make things worse. So try to stay in the moment as much as possible. This might mean closing your eyes to avoid distractions, relaxing your body when you notice it getting tense, and communicating what you're feeling.
This way, you will pay more attention to your body than your nerves and help you and your partner stay on the same page. “The main thing is to enjoy the process, not follow some imaginary script,” she concludes.
First sex with a new partner: do not compare with past experience
“Each relationship is unique. So don't stress if it feels different from previous experiences,” advises Frost. “Different does not mean bad.” Differences can be fascinating and even useful. Both partners can discover what they like and even learn new skills.
Also remember that there are a million ways to have sex and it's impossible to be an undisputed expert. Your shared experience is a personal matter for each of you. It does not matter what the experience of sex with other people was in the past.
Discuss Your Experience
With transparency comes growth, and who doesn't want a better sex life? Getting intimate with a new partner can be intimidating, of course. But to maintain your pleasure, you need to keep the lines of communication open before and after sex. “Ask how he's feeling, and share your feelings too,” Frost explains.
“If something was great, say so!” And if something wasn't, you can gently bring it up to make it feel better next time. Instead of telling him what he did wrong, let him know that you prefer certain types of foreplay or a specific position. It may take time to fully get used to the other person, but you'll both benefit from being open to each other's needs and desires.
Are you bored with your boyfriend at home? In addition to sex, you can do these fun things. They'll bring you closer!