If you are a parent on social media, you have probably been bombarded with posts about gentle parenting, what are the principles of gentle parenting, etc. According to adolescent trainer Chioma Fanawopo, it has gained popularity in recent years because it is in line with current research on child development and emotional well-being.
ContentThe principles of gentle parenting and why it has become fashionable? Why gentle parenting can be difficult What should you do?
But if gentle parenting seems difficult to you, you are not alone. One study published in 2024 showed that more than a third of parents report self-doubt and burnout due to the pressure associated with the need to meet high parental standards. WomanEL suggests figuring out why it is so difficult for you to adhere to this parenting style.
Principles of gentle parenting and why has it become fashionable?
Soft parenting has gained popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic, when isolation and stress were rampant and parents were looking for parenting advice during difficult times. They discovered an alternative approach to parenting that moves away from traditionally harsh parenting styles and leans toward softer ones. Parenting coach Lauren O'Carroll notes that this approach is also evidence-based.
“Research consistently shows that parenting styles have a profound and lifelong impact on children’s mental health and development,” she explains. “Soft parenting emphasizes emotional security and deep connections with caregivers. This is critical for developing resilience and well-being. It also emphasizes the importance of co-regulation and building secure attachments, which is consistent with what we know about brain development.” In her work, O’Carroll sees many millennial and Gen Z parents gravitating toward this approach. Often, they are consciously moving away from authoritarian parenting styles, either because they have vowed to do things differently as adults than their own parents, or because they have begun to address past traumas through therapy.“This trend also reflects broader societal changes,” says O’Carroll. “As collaboration replaces hierarchy in the workplace and other areas of life, it’s only natural that family relationships will follow suit. People are moving from rigid relationships to relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.”
Fanavopo adds that this modern approach to parenting emphasizes empathy, respect, and understanding. “It’s about building a strong, respectful relationship with your child, and guiding them through patience and firmness, not fear or punishment,” she explains. “This style of parenting encourages children to express themselves. But it also sets boundaries, fosters emotional intelligence, and fosters mutual respect.”
The term’s popularizer, Sarah Oakwell-Smith, also claims on her website that a child raised in a gentle style will grow up to be a happy and emotionally healthy adult.
Importantly, she acknowledges: No matter what parenting style you use, parenting will be difficult. And gentle upbringing is no different from it.
Why gentle upbringing can be heavy
No parenting style is perfect. Including soft parenting, Source: freepik.com
For some parents, soft parenting can seem counterintuitive and culturally challenging. Obedience and submission are often valued over self-expression. But the challenges of soft parenting are not limited to cultural expectations. According to Fanawopo, many factors influence parenting, including:
- Child's personality. Some children are naturally strong-willed or very sensitive. Both of these factors can test a parent's patience.
- Parent's personality. A parent's temperament, triggers, and stress levels play a big role in how they respond to their child.
- Environmental stress. Work pressures, financial difficulties, or a lack of support can make it difficult to raise a child in a calm manner.
O’Carroll identifies several other factors that can make it difficult to put gentle parenting into practice. Some of the main obstacles include:
- Parenting at the most critical moment. When your child refuses to listen, throws a tantrum, or pushes the boundaries, it can be nearly impossible to remain calm and collected—especially if you’re already overwhelmed, tired, or provoked.
- Parenting Neurodiversity. Parents with ADHD, anxiety, or high emotional sensitivity may struggle to model the self-control that gentle parenting requires. Impulsivity and emotional reactivity can make calm responses challenging.
- Parenting Themselves. Parents who grew up in authoritarian or abusive homes may find it difficult to let go of ingrained ideas about discipline and respect. Without a personal template for gentleness, creating new models can feel like swimming against the current.
Additionally, one of the key aspects of gentle parenting is being able to apologize when you're wrong and give your child a chance to speak up, Fanawopo notes. “For many of us, this is uncharted territory—apologizing to our children wasn't the role model our own parents were,” she adds. “But teaching children how to deal with conflict and own up to their mistakes starts with us.”
So what do you do?
Ultimately, whatever approach you choose to take to raise your children will take work.
“The goal is to raise children who are confident, respectful, and emotionally intelligent,” says Fanawopo. “It requires patience, adaptability, and introspection from us as parents. It’s a difficult path, especially when you have to break away from cultural norms, but the rewards are worth it.”
If you want to try gentle parenting—or get better at it—these tips will help you. You may find that a combination of different parenting styles works for you.
