There are many parenting styles, and choosing the right one for you depends on your personal preferences and your family. But there is one style that is consistently praised for its accessibility and the behaviors it helps instill: authoritative parenting. What is authoritative parenting? At its core, it involves listening to children while also demanding that they follow the rules set by their parents. The concept of authoritative parenting has been around for decades.
ContentWhat is authoritative parenting? Examples of authoritative parentingPros and cons of authoritative parenting
Children raised in this style are usually friendly, energetic, cheerful, independent, self-controlled, curious, ready to cooperate and achievement-oriented. It sounds great, so WomanEL decided to talk in detail about this style.
What is authoritative parenting?
Authoritative parenting is a combination of softness and firmness, when parents show care, sensitivity and support, but at the same time set clear boundaries and rules for children. “Authoritative parenting is when parents show great concern for their child but try to control them,” says pediatrician Robert Keder.
In authoritative parenting, parents try to shape their child’s behavior by carefully explaining and discussing rules and boundaries, says psychotherapist Mayra Mendez. “It allows them to teach, nurture, enforce rules, and understand why the rules exist and why we should follow them,” she explains. “These parents teach their child how to behave in the world, but they also listen to their child.”
Dr. Mendez says that authoritative parenting is based on communication, while parents do not lose their sense of authority. “A child can also be given a lot of respect, especially as they get older,” she says.
Examples of authoritative parenting
Dr. Kader calls authoritative parenting the “Danny Tanner style of parenting,” a reference to the patriarch of the sitcom “Full House.” Authoritative parents help children who are struggling by saying things like, “I know this is hard, and you can do better. Let me give you a hug and a kiss, and let’s work through this,” he says.
“Authoritative parents are demanding of their children, but they do so in a reasonable way,” says Dr. Keder. “They don’t set demands that are beyond the child’s ability.”
Authoritative parents also allow their children some liberties, such as spending the night with friends, but they also reiterate the rules and make it clear in advance that certain behaviors are expected of the child, Dr. Keder adds. “It’s that ‘golden mean,’ where you negotiate your needs and your child’s needs to help them prepare for life,” says Dr. Keder.
This parenting style can be called neither permissive, when children have a lot of freedom, nor authoritarian, when parents are strict and set strict rules – it is somewhere in between.
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Pros and cons of authoritative parenting
According to Dr. Mendez, authoritative parenting has many positive aspects. “Parents can demonstrate a sense of flexibility, and with that a sense of mutual respect,” she says. This parenting style conveys, “This is a young person who is growing and still needs guidance, but we respect each other.”
Authoritative parenting also encourages parents to speak at the child’s level when discussing important topics so that the child understands the rationale behind the decisions being made, says Dr. Mendez. This style also allows for clear expectations for children. “Rules are not random,” she says. “There are no secrets, and you’re not just telling the child the rules out of the blue.”
Dr. Keder also praises this parenting style for being sensitive to the stage of life children are in, but holding them accountable for their actions. “If you have a school-age child who is lying or giving in to peer pressure, authoritative parenting acknowledges that peer pressure is bad, but we still need to make smart choices,” he says. “It’s an acknowledgement that it’s not easy, but it’s important to do the right thing.”
But authoritative parenting isn’t perfect. Dr. Mendez emphasizes that for this style to be effective, parents need to be consistent. “A lot of parents don’t do that,” she says. “If you’re going to change your mind about something, there has to be a mutual understanding of how we got there.” So if you tell your child they can’t watch TV on school nights and then allow it sometimes without explaining why, it can lead to confusion about the rules. Overall, Dr. Keder says authoritative parenting is “the ideal approach” to parenting — if done right. “It takes a lot of work and effort,” he says. “But it encourages parents to raise their children to the best of their ability.” Many parents also follow the principles of permissive parenting. So what is this parenting style?
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