When we think of vampires, images of fangs, dripping blood, and black cloaks with turned-down collars come to mind. For die-hard TV and movie buffs, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Twilight, Dracula, and American Horror Story come to mind. But what we don’t usually think about is our friends. Who is a social vampire, and how do you know if you’re friends with one?
Content Who is a social vampire: signs? How does social vampirism affect us? How to communicate with social vampires?
Social vampires are not mythical inanimate beings, they very much walk and, most likely, talk (a lot) among us. It is quite possible that one of these energy-draining creatures is lurking in your office, family or friendly company. Worse, you may be one yourself. WomanEL suggests learning more about them.
Who is a social vampire: signs
Andrew May, a human performance strategist and leadership coach, says that, simply put, a social vampire is “a person who sucks the energy out of other people.” These are people who talk about themselves nonstop, stay up for two hours. And if the attention is focused on someone else, they bring it back to the forefront.
But even before a social vampire begins their attack, in many cases you can spot them or feel their energetic effects simply by listening to your instincts.
“It’s often intuition.” Some people are people you enjoy being around and make you feel good. But social vampires will suck the energy out of a room the moment they walk in.
In addition to the instinct and tendency to narcissism discussed earlier, there are other signs by which you can recognize a social vampire:
- All their thoughts are focused on negativity or problems.
- They are passive-aggressive.
- They may attack others – both overtly and covertly (including complaining about others behind their backs).
- They are quick to judge you and those around you.
- They have no balance between listening and talking, they just talk.
- They are very distrustful.
- They are never happy, even when they get what they want.
But perhaps the surest sign of a social vampire, like the sharp teeth of the mythical version, is that after being in their company you feel completely exhausted and broken.
How does social vampirism affect us?
Social vampirism can negatively affect our relationships and well-being, Source: freepik.com
A social vampire will make you feel completely drained (physically, emotionally, and socially), as if you need days to recover to regain the energy that has been drained from your body. This, in turn, can lower your self-confidence and make you feel lonely and depressed.
“Social vampires can make you feel stressed and anxious,” says Andrew. “And that can also trigger physiological responses, like tense muscles or a faster heart rate, which can have a significant impact on your health and well-being.”
However, unlike Dracula, our social vampire friends, family members, or colleagues are likely completely unaware of what they are doing and, at least to them, have the best intentions. But that doesn't make them normal.
“Although energy vampires are often well-intentioned, they feel a vicarious need to put other people down and point out the flaws of those around them, which fuels their self-doubt and inflates their own mercantile tires.”
How to communicate with social vampires?
We need to consciously understand the impact that social vampires have on us in our lives. Once we do, we can take the time to remember the good they have brought to our lives in the past, and to recharge after such encounters.
Successfully addressing this challenge will allow us to maintain relationships without them having a lasting negative impact on us. However, if the social vampire in your life is affecting your well-being or relationships, it’s time to take a break. Maybe for good.
“As difficult and complicated as it may seem, you can end a relationship with a social vampire. Don't let other people drain you and your limited reserves of time and energy,” says Andrew.
But if you're not ready for that yet, here are some other steps you can take instead:
- Become a self-analyst. Once you have identified that you have a social vampire in your life, you need to determine how they make you feel.
- Calm down and breathe. No matter what the social vampire tells you, try to stay calm and don't let their negative emotions sabotage your physiology or thoughts.
- Reevaluate your relationship. It's time to take a stand and take control. Remain neutral and make it clear that you no longer want to let him put you down or constantly make you feel like crap.
- Stay positive. Finally, Andrew advises trying to offset the negative thoughts of the vampire with your own positive energy. Surround yourself with positive people, lift your spirits, and do things you love.
Did you know why it's so difficult to be friends with three people? We suggest you learn about the features of this friendship and the problems you may encounter.