In an ideal world, the weeks between Christmas and New Year's should be filled with friends and family, good food, and general fun. In reality, for those with toxic family members, the holidays can be full of tension and stress. So what can you do? How do you get through the holidays with toxic relatives and not go crazy during this period?
ContentHow to Get Through the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Set Healthy BoundariesHow to Communicate with a Toxic Relative at the Holidays: Don't Get ArguedHow to Get Through the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Focus on Neutral TopicsHow to Communicate with a Toxic Relative at the Holidays: Practice Emotional DetachmentHow to Get Through the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Have a Support SystemIs it Better to Skip a Holiday Party than to Be Around a Toxic Person? Should You Confront a Toxic Person During the Holidays?
WomanEL shares with you the advice of mental health experts Janet Bayramian and Lisa Pion-Berlin.
How to Get Through the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Set Healthy Boundaries
Both experts emphasize that boundaries are very important when it comes to interacting with toxic people during the holidays. “Make sure you set boundaries in advance for any interactions you have with other people,” says Pion-Berlin. “This could include setting time limits or not discussing topics.” She also notes that you shouldn’t be shy about planning how you’ll handle uncomfortable situations, remembering that setting boundaries is about protecting your health and creating a safe haven for yourself when you’re facing difficult circumstances.
Bayramian advises, “If possible, shorten your visitation times or physically distance yourself from the person. Come in late, leave early, or spend time socializing with other people in the room to minimize interaction.”
Want to learn more about how to build personal boundaries? Then follow the link to reveal the details.
How to Deal with a Toxic Relative Over the Holidays: Don’t Get Argued
It can be tempting to try to defend yourself if you’re called out. But really, focus on distancing yourself and withdrawing from the discussion. Take a breath and calmly say, “I’ve decided not to engage in this discussion,” says Pion-Berlin. “Shift your focus to something else and use your energy for constructive communication.”
How to Get Through the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Focus on Neutral Topics
Especially when it comes to a toxic person, the holidays are not a time for contentious conversations. Bayramyan’s advice? “Keep conversations light-hearted, neutral, to avoid conflict. If a toxic person tries to stir up drama, redirect the conversation or politely distance yourself.” Are the weather, TV shows, and Aunt Vita’s latest knitting project a bit superficial? Yes. But are they safer than something that could lead to a fight? Definitely.
How to Deal with a Toxic Relative During the Holidays: Practice Emotional Detachment
Here's a helpful tip from Bayramyan: “Realize that their behavior is about them, not you. Visualize an emotional “shield” to repel negativity and maintain inner peace.”
How to Survive the Holidays with Toxic Relatives: Have a Support System
There's strength in numbers. Bayramian recommends bringing a trusted friend or family member with you as an ally, or scheduling a post-meeting meeting for emotional support. You're not alone. The people who are lovingly and healthily present in your life will have your back.
Is it better to miss a festive evening than to be around a toxic person?
If a relative is too toxic, you have the right to refuse to celebrate the New Year with them or leave early, Source: freepik.com
“Your mental health and well-being should always be a top priority at any celebration,” Pion-Berlin emphasizes. “It’s perfectly acceptable to opt out of an event that you suspect will negatively impact you or create a negative atmosphere.”
Bayramian agrees that if the person is highly toxic and their interactions are negatively impacting your mental health, opting out is perfectly fine. “Protecting your peace of mind is a priority,” she says.
Both experts say that if you've canceled your plans, you may want to consider alternative ways to celebrate. “If the person hosting the event is important to you, you might suggest meeting up for coffee or a private meeting at a different time,” says Pion-Berlin. This will help maintain your relationship without causing unnecessary tension or negativity.
Should you confront a toxic person during the holidays?
Probably not. “The holidays are often associated with high stress and emotional strain, so it’s not the best time to be confrontational,” says Bayramian. People are less likely to be receptive, and a heated exchange can ruin the holiday for others. “Instead, save these conversations for a calmer, more private setting, where both parties are more likely to engage constructively.”
Pion-Berlin agrees that confrontation is rarely the best approach. “If something is said that makes you uncomfortable, just try to change the subject or calmly apologize,” she advises. “The goal is not to confront the person, but to maintain your own peace of mind. If necessary, remove yourself from the situation entirely. The holiday season should be filled with happiness and unity, not chaos and discord.”
Here we shared some cute ideas on how to decorate your home for the New Year with your own hands. Cheer yourself up!
