We often hear that if we break up with someone, it's for the best. But the reality is much more complicated. What should you do if your ex is trying to get back together? Should you give him a second chance? Is that a bad idea? As psychologist Rebecca Ray says, it always depends on a number of factors. Some reunions lead to healing or a positive ending, while others can rekindle old wounds.
Content What to do if your ex is trying to rekindle the relationship: should you get back together? Pros and cons of getting back together with your exWhat to do if your ex is trying to rekindle the relationship: how to give it a second chance
WomanEL will list some signs that you should really think about getting back together with your ex.
What to do if your ex is trying to rekindle the relationship: should you get back together with him?
So how do you effectively reflect and make a decision that (hopefully) is right for you and your situation? The key to this is to ask yourself a set of specific questions, says Ray. “Ask yourself: Why did the relationship end? Have you both changed? What do you want from this reunion?”
After answering these questions and going through the thought process, Ray says you should have a reasonable idea of what to do. “If the relationship was unhealthy or ended badly, you should be cautious. If it ended on a good note, then maybe it's worth exploring,” she says.
Additionally, it is important to make sure that you have made peace with any past grievances to prevent the same issues from recurring.
The positives and negatives of reuniting with your ex
Celebrity couples Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, and royals Prince William and Princess Kate, show that sometimes a second chance can lead to a happy and healthy relationship and a positive outcome.
In some cases, Ray says, time spent apart helps “bring clarity, help people reconnect on a better note.” But even if you don’t rekindle a romantic relationship, reconnecting with your ex can have other benefits.
She explains, “This can lead to closure in a relationship, the rekindling of a true friendship, or even a healthier relationship if both people have grown.”
What about the negatives? It's only fair to highlight this element with another celebrity. Bennifer (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez) proves that reunions don't always go smoothly. But seriously, sometimes getting back together with an ex (whether romantic or platonic) doesn't work out, even with the best of intentions.
“Old patterns can surface, unresolved emotions can be stirred up. If the relationship was toxic, reconnecting can bring back unhealthy dynamics or hinder emotional growth,” says Ray.
Other factors, such as what has happened in your life, including other relationships since your breakup, can also present a new obstacle that will be difficult or even impossible to overcome.
What to do if your ex is trying to rekindle the relationship: how to give a second chance
Make sure you are ready to change and develop for the sake of a shared future, Source: freepik.com
If you've given the green light to a new relationship with your ex (whether romantic or platonic), there are a few helpful ways to approach it, says Ray.
- Don't rush. “Start with neutral, non-pressured communication and set clear boundaries,” she says. “It's helpful to dip your toe in the water and see how things go, slowly, without jumping in headfirst.”
- Be honest. Honesty applies to both your relationship with your ex and yourself, and will help you get through this process. “Be honest with yourself about why you’re getting back together, and check in with your feelings as you go,” says Ray.
- Be open-minded. It’s okay to fail. Part of being honest is accepting that failure doesn’t mean you’ve failed. “If the red flags from the past come up again, it’s okay to back off,” says Ray.
Things to remember: Relationships are complicated, but some relationships should never be given a second chance, whether they are platonic or romantic. If you were in a codependent, toxic, or abusive relationship, and your ex is trying to get back together, it's best to stay away from them.
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