Did your baby forget your lunch? Did the presentation fail in the lesson? The parental desire to grasp and correct everything is quite real. But here is a harsh truth: every time we save our children, we can worsen their situation in the long run. In this material, we want to figure out why parents should allow children to fail. = “rbi rbi-eng-down”> why modern parents are difficult to allow children to be failed Children failure to allow children to be failed by parents should allow children to fail: Long -term benefit
It turns out that studies show that minor difficulties that are now facilitated, contribute to the development of self -confidence in children, resilience and skills of solutions and#8217; problems in the future. When we allow children to fail according to their development, they do not just learn to cope with them – they learn to come out of them. WOMANEL will list all the benefits.
The Kandra Reed expert adds: “Fails are big and small – it is the inevitability of life. Most of the mistakes I see about failures arise because we think about this concept in terms of absolute. ” Parents believe that children should never fail and catastrophically evaluate the consequences of minor failures. Leih says: “We take the tools and knowledge gained at work and transfer them to the upbringing of children.” We tend to take the guilt that should belong to children instead of helping them study in their own experience.
When we are constantly interfering, we also inadvertently teach the children of learned helplessness. We tell them, “I do not think you are competent enough to do it yourself,” says Leih. Subsequently, children learn this belief that undermines their self -confidence and the ability to cope with difficulties.
Your children will not always win in life. And it's absolutely normal, source: freepik.comStability is formed in the process of struggle. The difference between a person with high self -esteem and a person with low self -esteem is not in the absence of failures, says Dr. Reed. It is the ability to admit that failure is normal, and that self -esteem is not provoked; “If you do not have the opportunity to fail, you do not have the opportunity to work out these skills.”
Children need what Lehi calls “desirable difficulties” – tasks that seem difficult, but which they are able to overcome. She refers to the study of Lawrence Steinberg about a tendency to risk, which indicates that the physical restriction of a young child will not be able to suffer severely. Let's take a teenager who has never climbed a tree, and suddenly friends incite him to it. As a child, they would not be able to get so high, but now their risk of injury is much higher. “We should let children try what matches their development, even if we are scared,” says Lihi.
Another factor to consider is parental readiness. The desire to relieve children from unpleasant sensations leads to a change in the situation in such a way that children cannot understand that everything may not be as bad as they think. “When we are constantly interfering to prevent distress, we teach our children that we do not consider them able to cope with the problem,” says Dr. Reed. This avoidance fixes this cycle and over time increases the anxiety of children rather than reduces it.
Like seven ’ I, change how you talk about failures and successes. When a child comes to you with a problem, do not succumb to an immediate help or calm. Instead, ask, “What do you think?” and let her say to encourage self -analysis and solution and#8217; problems.
Dr. Reed also warns parents from temptation to give children empty assurances like “everything will be good” or “Nothing wrong!”. “When we do so, we tend to immobilize the feelings of our children inadvertently,” she says. Instead, recognize their feelings and discuss possible events, including what happens eventually if the worst happens. This will help children form realistic expectations and trust in your advice, says Dr. Reed.
Use these discussions to encourage progress rather than perfection. Try to switch attention from the results (grades, awards, etc.) to effort and perseverance to help you and your child take the failure as an opportunity to study. Instead of rushing to correct mistakes, Leich advises: “Stop. Take a breath. Ask yourself if there are skills that are important to master? And if I take everything on myself, I will not deprive my child of this life experience? ” Let the kids see your mistakes or talk about the ones you made and how you coped with them.
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