• 14/07/2024 05:54

How to quarrel in front of children: 4 rules that should not be broken

Adults are people too. And we cannot always restrain ourselves, especially in a tense situation. Every couple has conflicts. This is fine. But can this be done in the presence of a child? According to Janine Dominguez, senior psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, it all depends on how your arguments go. But don't worry, the expert told us how to quarrel correctly in front of children.

ContentHow to quarrel in front of children: treat each other with respectRule No. 2: do not strike when the heat is on How to quarrel in front of children: always demonstrate a solution to the problem Rule No. 4: if you lose your temper, talk about it < p>WomanEL will share her opinion and advice so that what your child sees and hears does not become a trauma for him.

How to quarrel in front of children: treat each other with respect

This may seem trivial. But we think parents still need to hear it. Calling names, saying hurtful and disrespectful things is generally prohibited, but especially in the presence of children. “There's a difference between arguing and fighting,” Dominguez says. “It's okay to show your children that there can be differences of opinion when a discussion gets heated. But you need to be respectful when you listen to the other person's point of view.”

Rule No. 2: do not forge when it’s hot

If you can wait to argue about a topic that you know is going to get hot, that's best. It's not about avoidance, but about finding a place to talk when emotions aren't running high. “Our advice to parents is always, 'Strike when the iron is cold,'” Dominguez says. “This is a healthy approach for both parents and couples in general.” She adds that this is especially true when it comes to recurring patterns of arguments. “You need to find a time when everyone is calm enough and when you can work through the problem constructively together.”

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How to quarrel in front of children: always demonstrate a solution to the problem

Parents can show by example how to properly resolve conflicts, Source: freepik.com

Let's say a quarrel occurs over dishes in the sink. You can solve the problem (again, with respect) right now. But make sure your children also see how you and your spouse come to a decision. “Make it clear that you're discussing an issue, but then come back together and say, 'You know, I really appreciate you sharing X, Y, and Z,' or, 'Obviously, topic X is upsetting and bothering me.' “It means a lot that you listened to me,” Dominguez says. Even simply saying the words “I'm so sorry” to each other has meaning and demonstrates this act of correction.

Ultimately, it's about teaching your children that people can disagree and still be kind and loving to each other. In other words, a fight or disagreement doesn't always mean the worst-case scenario. “Kids might think, 'Oh no, my parents hate each other' or 'They're going to get a divorce!' But you want to let them know that everything is okay.”

Rule #4: If you lose your temper, talk about it

Try to let your child understand that emotions are normal, even if they are sometimes strong. If you lose your temper, talk it out together. “Explain that no one is perfect and that it is impossible to never be upset,” Dominguez says. “Emotions are very important, but it's about including your child in the process. It's as simple as saying, “It's not your fault. I felt really stressed at that moment and my emotions took over and I'm really sorry if that scared you.” And then: “This is what I will work on.” This leaves the communication channels open. Children learn that they are safe, but also that you and your spouse do not hate each other, but are willing to compromise.

It is very important that your child learns to be grateful. And this doesn't include just saying “thank you.” That's the skill we're talking about.

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